Today my daughter’s, Princess and Diva, had an argument over who was the favorite.
Princess: “I’m the favorite. Mom knows she likes me the best. ”
Diva: “No she doesn’t. I’m the favorite.”
Princess: “She’s known me longer. I have to be the favorite. It’s okay to admit it, Mom.”
Me: “I don’t have a favorite. I love you both the same.”
They went back to eating cereal and all was well for the moment. But I was left with a thought. Do you have a favorite Child and is it okay to every admit it?
I think as a parent you love your children equally. You just like different things about them.
As for the favorite argument, I think I am the only winner. They only have one mom. I know that I am their favorite.
My daughter, Princess (not her real name), went to the prom list night. These are the thoughts t hat ran through my mind as I waited up.
My daughter is growing into a beautiful young lady
I hope she has a good time
I hope she is safe
Did I set her curfew too early or too late?
How in the world am I going to stay awake that long?
Who am I kidding? Sleep won’t happen until I hear the garage open.
Say a prayer that she makes it back home safe. Add a prayer for everyone else’s kid as well.
Realize that late night television programming is the worst
I should have rented a movie from Redbox
What am I going to cook for dinner tomorrow?
Did I cover everything in the “Don’t Drink or Do Drugs” speech?
What if there is an accident?
I don’t need to think about any accidents.
I finally had to call my sister on the West Coast to take my mind off all the things that could happen. I am an admitted “worrier” but my imagination takes me places I don’t need to go.
In the end, Princess made it back on safely and on time. No need to worry. Until next year.
Princess got her driver’s license. Exciting times, right? My girl is growing up and completing another milestone on the way to adulthood. I am a proud parent. I am also terrified.
Maybe terrified is too strong a word. I feel some discomfort. Yes, that’s it. I feel uneasy. Yesterday, I let her drive to the store by herself. My stomach was churning but I turned over the keys anyway. She has to learn to be comfortable driving solo. The only way to do that is to just do it. She’s gone to driving school and I’ve ridden with her several times. She is a good driver although an inexperienced one. I trust her to be careful. But I am a parent and I still worry.
Here is something I’ve realized. It gets harder to keep your kids safe as they get older. When they are babies straight through the elementary years, you know exactly where they are. The majority of the time they are with you. You decided where they go, what they do and who they do it with.
Teenagers don’t need, or frankly even want to, do everything with their parents. It’s a constant tug of war. They desire more freedom and good parents gradually let them fly solo and make their own decisions. But with that comes a lost of parental control. You have to trust that the values you’ve instilled will actually stick. You have to trust that your child will make more good choices than bad. You pray that a higher power protects them from harm.
Then you let go. And sit in the passenger seat while your kid drives.
“Teenagers are the most misunderstood people on earth. Treated like children but expected to act like adults.”
I saw the above quote on Twitter and it made me think. As a parent of two teenagers, I know that navigating the transition from child to adult can be tricky. One minute they seem to have everything under control. The next minute they see to revert back to being a toddler where the simplest task is a mystery for them to master.
I only focused on my job to help guide my girls through this time. I didn’t concentrate on things from their perspective. Princess told me that, “Being a teenage is a struggle.” The seriousness on her face as she said this gave me pause. She is right.
Teenagers today have a lot more challenges to overcome. In my day, we had the usual things like school, dating, sex and drugs. Today they have all of those things combined with the internet age. Now a teenage mistake can follow you throughout life. The internet is forever.
I reminisce on my own teenage years and I remember feeling confused and misunderstood all the time. I especially felt that my parents were clueless. I vowed that I would do things differently with my own kids.
They say that you become your parents but I disagree. Okay, you may have the tendency to follow certain actions and beliefs of your parents. But I think most people strive to be better than their parents.
I may not always get it right with Princess and Diva but everything is done out of love. My goal is to raise two responsible adults that will treat people with respect. I want them to be smart enough to surround themselves with positive people and contribute something good to society. I want them to be comfortable in their own skin and accept people who are different from them. I want them to choose a career that is satisfying and enables them to pay their own bills. I want them to choose a life partner wisely. I want them to be happy.
Bottom line: Yes, being a teenager is a struggle. Being a parent isn’t easy either. But together, we can make it through.
What do you think? Any teenage stories to share? Advice?
Everyone has heard about the school shooting in Chardon, Ohio. Seventeen year old T. J. Lane opened fire in the school cafeteria shooting five students. Three of those teenagers have died.
I am not here to get into a debate about gun control or bullying. My heart weeps for every family affected by this event. Especially those parents that have to do the unthinkable and bury their child.
No, this post asks a question. How can you protect your children in an increasing evil world?
As a parent, it is terrifying to admit one simple fact. We don’t have any control over what happens.
A good parent teaches their child how to behave. We illustrate values and establish rules. We correct with love. We demonstrate how to treat other people. A good parent tries to raise a responsible and considerate person.
Then we release our child into the world (a friend’s house, the movies, or school) and we trust them to make good decisions. We trust them not to text and drive. We trust them not to drink or try drugs. We trust that they won’t pick up a gun to solve a problem. Perhaps the greatest faith of all, we trust that they won’t get shot sitting in the cafeteria.
Here’s the parenting moment: This is what I told my girls, “If you know someone has a gun in school, tell. If you see or hear someone with a gun, run.”
I’ll have to continue to trust they will come home from school each day. And pray. I’ll be praying for your children too.
The day after Christmas the girls and I set out for the outlets. They had Christmas cash in their pockets and they were ready to restock on clothes and shoes for school. As we walked around, I noticed that they would only go into certain stores. Those stores were Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, Polo, Wet Seal and Aeropostale. They shunned more economical places like Old Navy. I thought I would use this as a teaching moment about getting the most value for your money. Here is how the conversation went:
Princess: “Mom, you don’t understand. I can’t just wear anything. People will talk about me.”
Me: “What people?”
Princess: “I have an image. It’s like when you tried to get me One Star Converse. I can’t wear that.” (Side note: I know my daughter likes Converse sneakers. We were in Target and they sell Converse. I didn’t realize that One Stars are Converse’s country cousin. The one you can’t take anywhere. The horror.)
Diva: “Yeah, she can’t walk around in Skechers like you. She can’t wear Shape Ups.”
(Side note #2: I like Skechers. My girls like to talk about my sneakers but I go for comfort every day. When they were young and had no opinions whatsoever they wore them too. And liked them.)
Me: (still trying to maintain a teaching moment) “Why do you care if people say something? It doesn’t matter if you wear a name brand or not. You’re still the same person.”
Princess: “See, you can wear anything.”
Me: (teaching moment forgotten at the perceived insult) “Are you saying I don’t know how to dress?”
Princess recovered quickly: “No, mom. You have some swag.”
“Swag” means stylish in teenage language. I have to add this term to my teenage dictionary. See my earlier post on bilingual kids.
Diva gave a quick second. I knew I was being played but I liked the thought that I could rock Skechers and still have swag so I let the speech go for the moment. “Okay ladies, let’s get some lunch.”
We enjoyed the rest of our trip. The girls got some cute outfits for school. I actually picked out a couple of things for them that they liked. And I made it through the day without being called “lame” which was a first. It was a Christmas vacation miracle.
Any experiences shopping with teenagers? Please share.
I am the parent of two teenagers. As part of this mission, I have accepted the responsibility to keep up with the times. I am well versed in Lil’ Wayne, Drake and Trey Songz. I know about Jordans and snapbacks (baseball caps in my day). I understand the capabilities of Facebook, Twitter and iPods. I can text with the best of them. What I don’t understand are the words that are coming out of my kids’ mouth.
This past weekend I hung out my daughters. Princess and Diva (not their real names) are always good company. They joined me as I ran errands and window shopped. It was during this excursion that I learned that my girls are bilingual. The signs were there. They both take Spanish in school. But this language was something different. Example:
Diva: “Mom, I want a camo jacket for Christmas.”
Me: “What’s a camo jacket?”
Diva: “A jacket. All my friends have them.”
Me: “Huh? What is a camo?”
Diva: “Mom, you are so lame. I’ll show you.”
We go to the Sports Authority store and there we find the camo jacket more commonly referred to as camouflage. You know, something a hunter or the military would wear. When they go hunting.
Why would a teenage girls want to wear this?
After a quick exit from the store, our conversation continued.
Me: “I’m not buying that?”
Diva: “Why?”
Me: “It’s ugly and I’m not spending my money on it.”
Diva: “You don’t have to like everything I like.”
Me: “That’s true. But I have to like it if I’m buying it.”
Princess (who has been laughing and making comments the entire time): “Hunnerd?”
Me: “What are you saying? Hundred?”
Princess: “No. You say hunnerd.”
Me: “What does that mean?”
Princess: “You know, it means ‘true’ or ‘that’s right’.”
Me: “Then why don’t you just say true.”
Diva: “Mom, you are so lame.”
All of our conversations end with me being labeled “lame”. And I can live with that. At least I know what it means.
What do you think? Do you think speak another language? Any colorful phrases you want to share? I can’t be alone in this.
