Tag: parenting

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How “Orange is the New Black” Can Teach a Teen

Photo credit: Netflix
Photo credit: Netflix

I just found out that Diva, my 16-year-old daughter (not her real name), watches “Orange is the New Black”.  I’m sure  you have heard of this superb Netflix drama.  The basic premise of the show is life in a woman’s prison.  The main character is taken from a middle/upper class environment and thrown in prison for a crime she committed several years ago.  The writing is excellent and the acting is great.  You get to know all of these women and their back stories make for interesting watching.  “Orange” gives you everything from drama to comedy to tragedy.  I binged watched the entire first season over three days.  I was hyped about watching the second season.

And then Diva dropped an OITNB reference and I froze.  My first thought was to cancel the Netflix subscription.  This show has language, violence and nudity.  And sex.  It is not suitable for children.  Is it appropriate for a teenager?  No. I was going to cancel Netflix.  (Right after I watched Season 2, of course.  Priorities, people.)

Then I decided to do something revolutionary.  I talked to my daughter to see what it was she was getting from the show.  She was getting an in your face manual of what happens when you make wrong decisions and follow the wrong people.  She was getting an illustration of every lesson I have been preaching/teaching.  OITNB was acting as a teaching tool for some serious decisions.

Netflix stays.  My season 2 viewing is saved.  And I have a better understanding of the way my daughter thinks about life.  Thanks to OITNB.   Or I could be a really bad parent.  Who knows.  Diva just wants me to catch up on the season so we can discuss.

 

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Parenting Sucks (Sometimes)!

Being a parent is ……

Laying awake listening for the door to open

Knowing you can’t truly rest until the other part of your heart returns

Being a parent is ……

Setting a curfew for your teenager

Knowing at some point that your child will test the limit and forget how to tell time

Being a parent is ……

Allowing your child to mess up

In the safe cocoon of your home

Hoping they learn how to be a responsible adult

By enforcing consequences for their actions

Being a parent is ……

Having faith in a higher being to protect your heart

And releasing the breath you didn’t know you were holding

When you hear, “Mom, I’m home.”

 

2014 Michelle Rayford

 

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Favorite Child – Do You Have One?

favorite things

Today my daughter’s,  Princess and Diva, had an argument over who was the favorite. 

Princess: “I’m the favorite. Mom knows she likes me the best. ”

Diva: “No she doesn’t.  I’m the favorite.”

Princess: “She’s known me longer.  I have to be the favorite.  It’s okay to admit it, Mom.”

Me: “I don’t have a favorite.  I love you both the same.”

They went back to eating cereal and all was well for the moment.  But I was left with a thought.  Do you have a favorite Child and is it okay to every admit it?

I think as a parent you love your children equally. You just like different things about them.

As for the favorite argument, I think I am the only winner. They only have one mom. I know that I am their favorite.

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Back to School – Let’s Get It Started

Back to it .........

 

It’s that time of year again.  Time to get those kids out of the house and back into the classroom.  Parents everywhere, rejoice.

This year is special for me because I have a Senior and a Freshman in high school this year.  Two  milestone moments.  A beginning and an end.

This should be fun!

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Prom Night – A Mother’s Thoughts

prom night

My daughter, Princess (not her real name), went to the prom list night. These are the thoughts t hat ran through my mind as I waited up.

  • My daughter is growing into a beautiful young lady
  • I hope she has a good time
  • I hope she is safe
  • Did I set her curfew too early or too late?
  • How in the world am I going to stay awake that long?
  • Who am I kidding?  Sleep won’t happen until I hear the garage open.
  • Say a prayer that she makes it back home safe.  Add a prayer for everyone else’s kid as well.
  • Realize that late night television programming is the worst
  • I should have rented a movie from Redbox
  • What am I going to cook for dinner tomorrow?
  • Did I cover everything in the “Don’t Drink or Do Drugs” speech?
  • What if there is an accident?
  • I don’t need to think about any accidents.

I finally had to call my sister on the West Coast to take my mind off all the things that could happen.  I am an admitted “worrier” but my imagination takes me places I don’t need to go.

In the end, Princess made it back on safely and on time.  No need to worry.  Until next year.

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Single Parenting Ain’t for Suckers

 

 

I have a new-found respect for all the single parents out there.  I was already amazed at the job they do.  I was raised in a single parent home (my parents divorced when I was 13) so I am aware of what a thankless job it is to raise kids.  What brought about this new enlightenment?   I am now essentially a single parent myself.

Hubby has a job out-of-state.  For the last four months, I’ve been adjusting to not only a long distance relationship but being a solo parent.  Yes, hubby is in constant contact but it’s not the same as being here.  It’s not an ideal situation but one that many families face every day.

And you want to know the truth about single parenting.  It makes you tired.  Like all the time.  You have to do everything.  Everything?  Everything!  It ranges from the routine morning, school, work, homework, dinner act to the more mundane answering of every question.  No more passing off to the other parent.  (Go ask your Dad has lost its effectiveness.)

Here is my plan.   I’m going to take some vitamins, get some rest, and get back to parenting these kids.  To all my fellow single parents out there I say, “Hang in there.”

 

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What? Me Worry? – A Parenting Moment

I’m smiling on the outside. But on the inside………….

A typical conversation in my household:

Princess: “Mom, you worry too much.”

Before I can respond, Diva pipes in. “That’s what moms do.”

********************************************

I’ll admit it.  I am a mom.  And I worry.  A lot.  But I have to ask, can you worry too much?

A teenage girl is missing in my community.  The police suspect that she was abducted from her home.  From her home.  There is always a report somewhere about missing teenagers or accidents that claim a young life.  You don’t have to look hard to find something that will paralyze you in fear.  But that isn’t any way to live.

I dropped my girls off at mall on Saturday afternoon.  The plan was for them to hang out with friends and catch a movie.  I put on a brave face but behind that mask was a scared woman.  I know I have to let them go.  They have to experience things and learn to navigate the world.  I just want to hold them close and keep them in the house with me all the time.

I reflect on my own childhood and remember feeling that my mother suffocated me.  I wasn’t really allowed to go anywhere or do seemingly normal things like go to a Friday night football game.  I remember thinking I had the meanest mother in the world.  Now, I am not saying her methods were right but I do understand the emotion behind it.  It was done out of love.  When you are a parent, everything is motivated by love.  I know now that I may not always get it right. But I love my children.  I won’t ever apologize for that.

I still worry.  I probably always will.  But I will also beat down fear and allow my girls to grow.  And pray that they will always be safe.

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Sitting in the Passenger Seat – A Parenting Moment

 

Princess got her driver’s license.  Exciting times, right?  My girl is growing  up and completing another milestone on the way to adulthood.  I am a proud parent.  I am also terrified.

Maybe terrified is too strong a word.  I feel some discomfort.  Yes, that’s it.  I feel uneasy.  Yesterday, I let her drive to the store by herself.  My stomach was churning but I turned over the keys anyway.  She has to learn to be comfortable driving solo.  The only way to do that is to just do it.  She’s gone to driving school and I’ve ridden with her several times.  She is a good driver although an inexperienced one.  I trust her to be careful.  But I am a parent and I still worry.

Here is something I’ve realized.  It gets harder to keep your kids safe as they get older.  When they are babies straight through the elementary years, you know exactly where they are.  The majority of the time they are with you.  You decided where they go, what they do and who they do it with.

Teenagers don’t need, or frankly even want to, do everything with their parents.  It’s a constant tug of war.  They desire more freedom and good parents gradually let them fly solo and make their own decisions.  But with that comes a lost of parental control.  You have to trust that the values you’ve instilled will actually stick.  You have to trust that your child will make more good choices than bad.  You pray that a higher power protects them from harm.

Then you let go.  And sit in the passenger seat while your kid drives.

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Are You Mom Enough? – A Parenting Moment

 By now everyone has seen the cover of  Time’s Magazine May 21st edition showing a woman breastfeeding her soon to be 4-year-old son.  (If  you missed it, click here.)  If the picture doesn’t get your attention, the headline, “Are You Mom Enough?” will certainly get the conversation started.

Here are my two cents.  I breastfed both of my daughters until they were six months old.  I understand the benefits of breastfeeding and enjoyed that time bonding with my babies.  I encourage other mothers to do the same.

In my opinion, continuing to breastfeed a child past a year is taking a good thing too far.  If breastfeeding is a means to supply nutrients or food to your child, what is the benefit of continuing to do so when that child is eating solid food?

My rule of thumb is as follows:  If a child can drink from a cup, eat solid food and has a mouth full of teeth, they don’t need to be sucking on anything.  That includes a breast.

What are your thoughts?  Moms, did you breastfeed?  Did the Times Magazine cover go too far?

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Happy Mother’s Day

Every day mothers perform sometimes thankless tasks to care for their children.  We are the backbone of the family, nurse, chauffeur, maid, counselor, event coordinator and cook.  A mother’s job is never done.  And for the majority of us, these things are performed without thought or expectation of award.  But today is our day and what’s a good way to celebrate?  I say Mothers everywhere should have a day WITHOUT their kids.  Ladies, just do you today!  Enjoy.