Category: random thoughts

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Family Ties

My beautiful grandmother

This past weekend the whole family hopped a plane and landed in Houston to celebrate my grandmother’s 80th birthday.  We spent four days catching up with family, eating homemade gumbo and watching the Whitney Houston funeral.  Everyone left with the intention of staying in touch but it made me wonder.  Is it possible to stay in touch with people you don’t see often and don’t know that well?

Now Grandma and I are close.  I’ve seen her more often over the course of growing up.  We used to write each other letters (remember when that was the preferred method of communication) and we talk on the phone.  We are as close as two people who live 1,000 miles apart can be.   My grandmother is the coolest 80-year-old I know.  She is a wealth of old school wisdom with enough spunk to still drive her new Chrysler 200 and  have wireless internet in her house.  I just love to sit wherever she is and listen.  The woman could have been a comedienne in a former life.

I also have an uncle, two aunts, a large number of cousins, their spouses and all of their children.  Being around all of my relatives left me with a feeling of camaraderie but no real connection.  We are all bound by blood as evidenced by the pictures that grace my grandmother’s home.  I could even remember summers spend in Texas as a kid.  But once we all grew up, life had a way of making us virtual strangers.

As we all know, relationships take time and effort to maintain.  My question is who has time?  Who has the time and energy to establish and maintain a real relationship (beyond Facebook) with relatives that you rarely see?  Is it worth it?

Any advice?  How do you keep in touch with long-lost relatives?

 

 

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How Do You Measure Love?

 

Now that the spectacle of Valentine’s Day is over, we can get back to our regular love lives.  Full disclosure:  I’m not a big fan of February 14th.  Maybe it’s all the flowers and candy hearts.  Maybe it’s the over abundance of cupids and cards.  Maybe its the forced display of gifts signifying someone cared enough to send the very best.  I think it’s all of the above but mostly it is the commercialization of it all.

When I was  younger, V-day held a lot of weight.  I would measure the value of my  relationship by the amount of gifts I received.  With age comes wisdom and now I know that one day does not define a relationship.

My husband always delivers on Valentine’s Day and we celebrate along with the masses.  But I’ll take the everyday displays of love over cards and flowers every time.  The small acts of love like relinquishing the “big” television so that I can watch Grey’s Anatomy and Braxton Family Values.   The routine task of taking my car for service or planning our annual family vacation.  Giving me a call during the work day.  Buying me a laptop when I said I wanted to be a writer.    (Still working on that one, honey.) Being there through whatever life throws our way.  My husband’s love is on full display when he goes to a job that he hates but provides for our family.  He shows love in a thousand ways that don’t involve balloons or a piece of candy.

Valentine’s Day can be fun.  But I’ll take the every day gifts of love every time.  How do you measure love?

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Does Love Need a License (Marriage) to Be Real?

Love is Love, right?

The February  issue of Essence magazine features Miami Heat basketball star Dwyane Wade and Actress Gabrielle Union.  The internets immediately erupted in outrage that the unmarried couple was featured on the love issue of the magazine.  This made me wonder:  Does love need a marriage license to be real?

The charges against the couple being featured on a major publication range from the “they’re not married” to “she is a homewrecker/he is an adulterer”.  The second stance, (homewrecker/adultery), can be easily dismissed.  Yes, he was married and probably cheated on his wife.  I would reason that Gabrielle wasn’t the first woman Dwyane was with.  She is only the most famous.  We (the public) don’t know the timetable of Dwyane’s separation and divorce.  I believe some things should be private even for celebrities.  Bottom line, we don’t know these people.  The only thing we know for certain is that he plays basketball for a living.  We know she has been in some movies.  In essence (see what I did there?), we don’t know anything.

Okay, one thing we do know is that they aren’t married to each other.  So what?  According to the article, they have been together for three years now.  They profess their love and respect for each other.  By their own account, they are living together and co-parenting Dwyane’s two sons.  Sounds like love to me.  Why does society place so much importance on a marriage license?

I am a married woman and I wouldn’t love my husband any less if we weren’t married.  I bet a lot of married people would agree.  So what does that license really symbolize?   Could it be saying that two people have chosen to live together, co-mingle funds, and provide insurance for each other?  If a marriage license solidifies a business relationship, why do people claim it symbolizes the legitimacy of love?

I believe Gabrielle and Dwyane are deserving of  being featured on the cover of a magazine.  If they say it’s love, why should a license be required?

 

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Super Monday – Super Bowl Review

Super Bowl Sunday has come and gone. (Congratulations to the New York Giants.)   The only thing left now is the analysis of the event.   SportsCenter has that whole football review on lock so I won’t get into that.

I didn’t have a vested interest in who won the actual game so I focused on the commericals. Every year there is this big build up. And much like the game itself, this year’s batch were pretty lame until the end.

Here are my picks for the best of the bunch:

I was looking forward to the Ferris Bueller/Matthew Broderick ad.  It didn’t disappoint.

Another great spot from Volkswagon.

Gotta love Seinfeld.

Doritos nailed it with this one.

And my personal favorite, Betty White.

Until next year, enjoy!

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When the Spouse is Away…

Pretend this is me. Don't I look happy to have the whole bed!

The husband announced he was going on his monthly golf trip with the guys.  I was so excited that I could have literally jumped for joy.  I had to play it cool.  “That’s good,” I replied.  “You deserve a getaway.”  I was being sincere.  He works hard and should have free time to do something he enjoys.  But I was also considering my own moment.  I would have the bed to myself!

If you have lived with someone long enough you learn cohabitation requires compromise.  Somethings you may like to do but if it infringes on your significant other, you reach a happy medium.  An example:  I would love to sleep in the middle of the bed and watch DVDs or read until I get sleepy.  The husband insists on sharing the sleep space so I stay on my side of the bed and leave the DVDs and books to daylight hours.  With his overnight trip pending, I had a list of things I could enjoy having the room all to myself.

And enjoy it I did.  I took my shower early and lounged around in pajamas.  I fed the kids and left them with the big television in the great room and retreated to my space.  I had two DVDs where nothing blows up and there aren’t any car chases, a book on standby and popped popcorn.  I climbed in the center of the bed surrounded by pillows and remotes.  Heaven.

Yes, I appreciated my alone time.  Love had nothing to do with it.  I believe all couples should have little breaks away from each other.  Not only is it good to just be yourself for a moment but it makes you appreciate your relationship.  I was happy to see my husband when he returned.  He is my best friend and I enjoy his company.  Until the next time he is away.

What say you?  What things do you like to do when the spouse/significant other is away?

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Are Some Things Unforgivable?

 

In last week’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy (Hope for the Hopeless), Christina and Owen had a major argument.  For those people who do not watch the show, here is some background.  Owen and Christina were married last season.  Both are surgeons.  Owen is the new Chief and Christina is a resident specializing in cardio.  Christina’s character is ambitious, determined and focused on becoming the BEST cardiac surgeon.  She does not want children.  Everyone who knows her knows that she doesn’t want children.  Owen is an excellent trauma surgeon but wants it all.  That includes a family.

A major point contention for the couple came when Christina discovered she was pregnant.  She didn’t want it.  Owen did.  Eventually, Owen agreed with Christina’s decision to terminate the pregnancy.  He even accompanied her to have the procedure done.

Fast forward to this episode.  Owen and Christina were arguing over Christina’s refusal to follow this direction at work.   But like most arguments between couples, the conversation was really about something else.  Then Owen dropped the abortion bomb.  “You killed our baby!” he screamed.  Every one of their colleagues heard this.

No matter if you are pro-choice or pro-life, my question is this:  Once a decision has been made as a couple (even if one party isn’t entirely happy about it) can you ever throw it up in an argument?  I think Owen was out-of-order and their marriage will probably end as a result.

What say you?  Anyone care to share?

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New Year’s Resolutions

 

2011 is over and I’m glad to see it go.  A new year offers endless possibilities to simply do things better.  In that vein, here is my list of five resolutions for the new year:

  1. Finish the edits for my book.  – This has been an ongoing struggle for some reason. There is really no excuse not to be finished by now.
  2. Exercise more, eat better.  – A no brainer.
  3. Finish those edits already.  – Seriously, I’m sure I can find more time in the day if I stop playing Words with Friends.
  4. Strive to be a better person.  – Just make a conscious effort to do better in every way as a wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend.
  5. Finish the damn edits!!

Those are my resolutions. What are yours?

 

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‘Tis the Season to be Grumpy

 

I’m not feeling Christmas this year.  And I’m not the only one with this sentiment.  A scientific poll conducted with three friends, my sisters and six random co-workers reveal that “Christmas just isn’t the same this year.”

What caused this anti-Christmas phenomenal?  Could it be Christmas overload from the way retailers shove holiday cheer on us before we can swallow the candy from Halloween?  Maybe it’s because Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer came on television before Thanksgiving?  Or maybe it’s because I missed the annual shopping kill or be killed event otherwise known as “The Day After Thanksgiving?

As I have gotten older my kids have gotten older, Christmas has lost some of its magic.  I relished the role of “playing” Santa and secretly wrapping presents.  Now Princess and Diva only want one gift.  Money and a ride to the mall.

Maybe I’ve gotten lazy.  Why spend a month stressing and decorating for one day and then it’s over?  Why struggle to maintain a false sense of holiday cheer and being nice to people you can’t stand for 364 other days of the year?

I’m sure I’ll snap out of this funk in a day or two.  After all, I am looking forward to some days off from work and spending time with family.  I can focus on the true meaning of Christmas and not worry about my meager Christmas budget.  I can be thankful that my family is healthy and that I am loved.  See, I can almost feel the warmth of Christmas cheer.

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone.  I look forward to more adventures in the New Year.

This picture is just too cute!
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When Your Kids Are Bilingual…………..

I am the parent of two teenagers.  As part of this mission, I have accepted the responsibility to keep up with the times.  I am well versed in Lil’ Wayne, Drake and Trey Songz.  I know about Jordans and snapbacks (baseball caps in my day).  I understand the capabilities of Facebook, Twitter and iPods.  I can text with the best of them.  What I don’t understand are the words that are coming out of my kids’ mouth.

This past weekend I hung out my daughters.  Princess and Diva (not their real names) are always good company.  They joined me as I ran errands and window shopped.  It was during this excursion that I learned that my girls are bilingual.  The signs were there.  They both take Spanish in school.  But this language was something different.  Example:

Diva:  “Mom, I want a camo jacket for Christmas.”

Me:  “What’s a camo jacket?”

Diva:  “A jacket.  All my friends have them.”

Me:  “Huh?  What is a camo?”

Diva:  “Mom, you are so lame.  I’ll show you.”

We go to the Sports Authority store and there we find the camo jacket more commonly referred to as camouflage.  You know, something a hunter or the military would wear.  When they go hunting.

Why would a teenage girls want to wear this?

After a quick exit from the store, our conversation continued.

Me:  “I’m not buying that?”

Diva:  “Why?”

Me:  “It’s ugly and I’m not spending my money on it.”

Diva:  “You don’t have to like everything I like.”

Me:  “That’s true. But I have to like it if I’m buying it.”

Princess (who has been laughing and making comments the entire time): “Hunnerd?”

Me:  “What are you saying?  Hundred?”

Princess:  “No.  You say hunnerd.”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Princess:  “You know, it means ‘true’ or ‘that’s right’.”

Me: “Then why don’t you just say true.”

Diva:  “Mom, you are so lame.”

All of our conversations end with me being labeled “lame”.  And I can live with that.  At least I know what it means.

What do you think?  Do you think speak another language?  Any colorful phrases you want to share?  I can’t be alone in this.