Category: Random Musings

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How Do You Measure Love?

 

Now that the spectacle of Valentine’s Day is over, we can get back to our regular love lives.  Full disclosure:  I’m not a big fan of February 14th.  Maybe it’s all the flowers and candy hearts.  Maybe it’s the over abundance of cupids and cards.  Maybe its the forced display of gifts signifying someone cared enough to send the very best.  I think it’s all of the above but mostly it is the commercialization of it all.

When I was  younger, V-day held a lot of weight.  I would measure the value of my  relationship by the amount of gifts I received.  With age comes wisdom and now I know that one day does not define a relationship.

My husband always delivers on Valentine’s Day and we celebrate along with the masses.  But I’ll take the everyday displays of love over cards and flowers every time.  The small acts of love like relinquishing the “big” television so that I can watch Grey’s Anatomy and Braxton Family Values.   The routine task of taking my car for service or planning our annual family vacation.  Giving me a call during the work day.  Buying me a laptop when I said I wanted to be a writer.    (Still working on that one, honey.) Being there through whatever life throws our way.  My husband’s love is on full display when he goes to a job that he hates but provides for our family.  He shows love in a thousand ways that don’t involve balloons or a piece of candy.

Valentine’s Day can be fun.  But I’ll take the every day gifts of love every time.  How do you measure love?

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Does Love Need a License (Marriage) to Be Real?

Love is Love, right?

The February  issue of Essence magazine features Miami Heat basketball star Dwyane Wade and Actress Gabrielle Union.  The internets immediately erupted in outrage that the unmarried couple was featured on the love issue of the magazine.  This made me wonder:  Does love need a marriage license to be real?

The charges against the couple being featured on a major publication range from the “they’re not married” to “she is a homewrecker/he is an adulterer”.  The second stance, (homewrecker/adultery), can be easily dismissed.  Yes, he was married and probably cheated on his wife.  I would reason that Gabrielle wasn’t the first woman Dwyane was with.  She is only the most famous.  We (the public) don’t know the timetable of Dwyane’s separation and divorce.  I believe some things should be private even for celebrities.  Bottom line, we don’t know these people.  The only thing we know for certain is that he plays basketball for a living.  We know she has been in some movies.  In essence (see what I did there?), we don’t know anything.

Okay, one thing we do know is that they aren’t married to each other.  So what?  According to the article, they have been together for three years now.  They profess their love and respect for each other.  By their own account, they are living together and co-parenting Dwyane’s two sons.  Sounds like love to me.  Why does society place so much importance on a marriage license?

I am a married woman and I wouldn’t love my husband any less if we weren’t married.  I bet a lot of married people would agree.  So what does that license really symbolize?   Could it be saying that two people have chosen to live together, co-mingle funds, and provide insurance for each other?  If a marriage license solidifies a business relationship, why do people claim it symbolizes the legitimacy of love?

I believe Gabrielle and Dwyane are deserving of  being featured on the cover of a magazine.  If they say it’s love, why should a license be required?

 

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When the Spouse is Away…

Pretend this is me. Don't I look happy to have the whole bed!

The husband announced he was going on his monthly golf trip with the guys.  I was so excited that I could have literally jumped for joy.  I had to play it cool.  “That’s good,” I replied.  “You deserve a getaway.”  I was being sincere.  He works hard and should have free time to do something he enjoys.  But I was also considering my own moment.  I would have the bed to myself!

If you have lived with someone long enough you learn cohabitation requires compromise.  Somethings you may like to do but if it infringes on your significant other, you reach a happy medium.  An example:  I would love to sleep in the middle of the bed and watch DVDs or read until I get sleepy.  The husband insists on sharing the sleep space so I stay on my side of the bed and leave the DVDs and books to daylight hours.  With his overnight trip pending, I had a list of things I could enjoy having the room all to myself.

And enjoy it I did.  I took my shower early and lounged around in pajamas.  I fed the kids and left them with the big television in the great room and retreated to my space.  I had two DVDs where nothing blows up and there aren’t any car chases, a book on standby and popped popcorn.  I climbed in the center of the bed surrounded by pillows and remotes.  Heaven.

Yes, I appreciated my alone time.  Love had nothing to do with it.  I believe all couples should have little breaks away from each other.  Not only is it good to just be yourself for a moment but it makes you appreciate your relationship.  I was happy to see my husband when he returned.  He is my best friend and I enjoy his company.  Until the next time he is away.

What say you?  What things do you like to do when the spouse/significant other is away?

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It’s Your Homework, Why Do I Feel Like I Am in School?

When is summer vacation?

School is in full swing and this means kids are coming home with work.  Hence, the name “homework”.  This is not good.  I am a firm believer that just like Vegas, school should stay at school.

I’ve read the studies that suggest too much homework makes kids hate learning.  Other studies conclude homework does not measurably improve academic achievement.  (That one came from Duke University, Harris Cooper.)  These are all valid reasons to support my position.  However, my reason is quite simple.  I hate feeling stupid.

First some background.  I graduated from high school some twenty years time ago.  I’ve even graduated from college.  I’m not trying to impress anyone by writing this.  I’m trying to reassure myself that I’m not an idiot.

Some of these homework assignments can make an adult question t heir own intelligence.  Picture this:  Diva is in middle school.  Her Language Arts class gives weekly STEMS test.  In case you are wondering, STEMS can best be described as parts of words. For example, archy = government, cede = go and ard = always.  Whatever happened to good old-fashioned vocabulary words.  We used to get a list of words and a dictionary.  We wrote the list by ourselves.  Now Diva has this weekly assignment and insists I take part in it.  I’m her “study buddy” she says.  Did I ask for this honor?  No.  But what can I do?

I think kids should focus on spelling.  Remember the spelling bee?  Now that’s something that should be brought back to the classroom.  This “text first, talk never” generation could use a refresher.  They abbreviate everything.  I had to instruct my kids to write complete words when they text me.

I’m not even going to get started on the subject of math.  I’ve been unable to help with that since elementary school.  Good thing Princess is good in math or Diva would be in trouble.

To my kid’s school district, I’m begging.   Stop with the homework.  Think of the countless of parents who risk looking stupid in front of their kids.  Let’s leave school work at school.  Save the family.

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MLK Day – 2012

In the Unwritten household on MLK’s birthday, Dad made us girls listen to the “I Have A Dream” speech.   Back then I didn’t understand the enormous impact that speech had on our nation in 1963.  I simply thought it was a nice sermon.  A very long sermon.

Now when I reflect on the legacy of Martin Luther King, one thing stands out.  One person can make a difference.  This man bore the burden of leading a movement that changed the world.  Today I rededicate myself to trying to live up to this ideal:  “To judge someone not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character”.

What are your plans for the MLK holiday?

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New Year’s Resolutions

 

2011 is over and I’m glad to see it go.  A new year offers endless possibilities to simply do things better.  In that vein, here is my list of five resolutions for the new year:

  1. Finish the edits for my book.  – This has been an ongoing struggle for some reason. There is really no excuse not to be finished by now.
  2. Exercise more, eat better.  – A no brainer.
  3. Finish those edits already.  – Seriously, I’m sure I can find more time in the day if I stop playing Words with Friends.
  4. Strive to be a better person.  – Just make a conscious effort to do better in every way as a wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend.
  5. Finish the damn edits!!

Those are my resolutions. What are yours?

 

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‘Tis the Season to be Grumpy

 

I’m not feeling Christmas this year.  And I’m not the only one with this sentiment.  A scientific poll conducted with three friends, my sisters and six random co-workers reveal that “Christmas just isn’t the same this year.”

What caused this anti-Christmas phenomenal?  Could it be Christmas overload from the way retailers shove holiday cheer on us before we can swallow the candy from Halloween?  Maybe it’s because Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer came on television before Thanksgiving?  Or maybe it’s because I missed the annual shopping kill or be killed event otherwise known as “The Day After Thanksgiving?

As I have gotten older my kids have gotten older, Christmas has lost some of its magic.  I relished the role of “playing” Santa and secretly wrapping presents.  Now Princess and Diva only want one gift.  Money and a ride to the mall.

Maybe I’ve gotten lazy.  Why spend a month stressing and decorating for one day and then it’s over?  Why struggle to maintain a false sense of holiday cheer and being nice to people you can’t stand for 364 other days of the year?

I’m sure I’ll snap out of this funk in a day or two.  After all, I am looking forward to some days off from work and spending time with family.  I can focus on the true meaning of Christmas and not worry about my meager Christmas budget.  I can be thankful that my family is healthy and that I am loved.  See, I can almost feel the warmth of Christmas cheer.

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone.  I look forward to more adventures in the New Year.

This picture is just too cute!
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Where is the love in R&B music? – CNN.com

This is a question that I have wondered about for quite some time.  The lack of love in modern music is why I keep my iPod on constant rotation.  Where is the love indeed?

Where is the love in R&B music? – CNN.com.

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The Obligatory What I Am Thankful For Post

You know what this means. You need to be grateful............

There are certain things that can be expected this time of year.  Football,  turkey dinners, family get togethers, Black Friday sales followed by Cyber Monday sales and a bombardment of “thankful” lists.  These lists are from various people bragging about how great their lives are and we should all applaud them for recognizing it.  I have resisted the urge to add to this phenomenon but I couldn’t think of anything else to blog about so here goes.

Things I am “thankful” for in no particular order:

  • My family (Okay, if you don’t put that first people will talk about you.)
  • To be gainful employed (I need money to pay bills, buy scratch off lotto tickets so I can stop working, buy food and books.  Lots of books)
  • The NBA Lockout is finally over.  Now I can watch the Lakers on Christmas Day.
  • Google (What did we do before it was so easy to look up random facts like “Did Michael Jackson really write all of his songs?”  Seriously, as a writer I love Google.  It saves time on research.  I mean, what did people do before when you wanted to know something?  Actually talk to people?  The horror.)
  • Friends that get me and love me unconditionally. (Thank you for the material.  Oh, you didn’t realize that I’ve based a character in my book from your adventures?  Pay no attention to this list.)
  • That they finally found Sophia on The Walking Dead.  Even though she ended up being a zombie and Rick had to shoot her in the head.  (On a side note, I am totally on Team Shane.)
  • Music – I love music
  • The Closer is back for five final episodes!
  • And the big one, health.  (You can’t put a price on good health.)

These things can go on and on but I’ll stop there.

This Thanksgiving season, what are you thankful for?