Category: Parenting

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What? Me Worry? – A Parenting Moment

I’m smiling on the outside. But on the inside………….

A typical conversation in my household:

Princess: “Mom, you worry too much.”

Before I can respond, Diva pipes in. “That’s what moms do.”

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I’ll admit it.  I am a mom.  And I worry.  A lot.  But I have to ask, can you worry too much?

A teenage girl is missing in my community.  The police suspect that she was abducted from her home.  From her home.  There is always a report somewhere about missing teenagers or accidents that claim a young life.  You don’t have to look hard to find something that will paralyze you in fear.  But that isn’t any way to live.

I dropped my girls off at mall on Saturday afternoon.  The plan was for them to hang out with friends and catch a movie.  I put on a brave face but behind that mask was a scared woman.  I know I have to let them go.  They have to experience things and learn to navigate the world.  I just want to hold them close and keep them in the house with me all the time.

I reflect on my own childhood and remember feeling that my mother suffocated me.  I wasn’t really allowed to go anywhere or do seemingly normal things like go to a Friday night football game.  I remember thinking I had the meanest mother in the world.  Now, I am not saying her methods were right but I do understand the emotion behind it.  It was done out of love.  When you are a parent, everything is motivated by love.  I know now that I may not always get it right. But I love my children.  I won’t ever apologize for that.

I still worry.  I probably always will.  But I will also beat down fear and allow my girls to grow.  And pray that they will always be safe.

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5 Reasons Why I Hate Shopping – A Parenting Moment

 

Seems harmless enough? Don’t be fooled.

School starts here in another week.  That means its back to school shopping for our family.  I don’t look forward to this at all.  Here are the top five reasons I hate shopping with my kids:

1.  Being female, people may assume that I would enjoy shopping no matter the occasion.  Those people would be wrong.  I am more of the get in, get out type of person.  I don’t like to linger over the racks.  I don’t like the crowds.  To me, shopping is one of those mundane tasks you have to perform in order to be considered a civilized member of society.  Like bathing daily.  Or going to the DMV.

2.  My girls, however, love to shop.  All you have to do to make Diva’s life  complete is give her an unlimited budget and a ride to the mall.

3.  When did we decide that all clothes designer would only produce small, tight, and revealing articles of clothing?  Why must every pair of jeans get progressively tighter under the guise of being skinny, super skinny or something called jeggings?  It makes for some stressful conversations.

4.  Speaking of clothing sizes, who are they making these clothes to fit?  Barbie?  I am really getting tired of having to explain to my medium-sized daughter that she needs a large because of the snug cut.  A medium is really a small in today’s fashion world.

5.  Auntie Ann’s Pretzels. I can’t walk past this spot in the mall without being compelled to buy a pretzel.  Those things are evil.  But oh, so tasty.

Do you have a back to school shopping story to share?

 

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Sitting in the Passenger Seat – A Parenting Moment

 

Princess got her driver’s license.  Exciting times, right?  My girl is growing  up and completing another milestone on the way to adulthood.  I am a proud parent.  I am also terrified.

Maybe terrified is too strong a word.  I feel some discomfort.  Yes, that’s it.  I feel uneasy.  Yesterday, I let her drive to the store by herself.  My stomach was churning but I turned over the keys anyway.  She has to learn to be comfortable driving solo.  The only way to do that is to just do it.  She’s gone to driving school and I’ve ridden with her several times.  She is a good driver although an inexperienced one.  I trust her to be careful.  But I am a parent and I still worry.

Here is something I’ve realized.  It gets harder to keep your kids safe as they get older.  When they are babies straight through the elementary years, you know exactly where they are.  The majority of the time they are with you.  You decided where they go, what they do and who they do it with.

Teenagers don’t need, or frankly even want to, do everything with their parents.  It’s a constant tug of war.  They desire more freedom and good parents gradually let them fly solo and make their own decisions.  But with that comes a lost of parental control.  You have to trust that the values you’ve instilled will actually stick.  You have to trust that your child will make more good choices than bad.  You pray that a higher power protects them from harm.

Then you let go.  And sit in the passenger seat while your kid drives.

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Are You Mom Enough? – A Parenting Moment

 By now everyone has seen the cover of  Time’s Magazine May 21st edition showing a woman breastfeeding her soon to be 4-year-old son.  (If  you missed it, click here.)  If the picture doesn’t get your attention, the headline, “Are You Mom Enough?” will certainly get the conversation started.

Here are my two cents.  I breastfed both of my daughters until they were six months old.  I understand the benefits of breastfeeding and enjoyed that time bonding with my babies.  I encourage other mothers to do the same.

In my opinion, continuing to breastfeed a child past a year is taking a good thing too far.  If breastfeeding is a means to supply nutrients or food to your child, what is the benefit of continuing to do so when that child is eating solid food?

My rule of thumb is as follows:  If a child can drink from a cup, eat solid food and has a mouth full of teeth, they don’t need to be sucking on anything.  That includes a breast.

What are your thoughts?  Moms, did you breastfeed?  Did the Times Magazine cover go too far?

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A Night of Firsts – A Parenting Moment

When you become a parent, you find yourself celebrating a lot of firsts.  First tooth, first word, first steps and the first day of school.  We try to prepare our children for the firsts in life.  Maybe we should focus on preparing ourselves as well.

Two major firsts took place in our family this weekend.  Princess had her first date which coincided with her first prom.  Good times!

Lost in the excitement of finding the perfect shoes and getting a mother-daughter mani and pedi was the fact that this was a first for me too.  My baby is careening toward adulthood at an alarming pace.

After all the pictures had been taken on Saturday, I stood there and watched my daughter.  The little chubby cheeked toddler has grown into a beautiful young lady.  I hugged her and told her to have fun.  I released Princess to  her date.  She smiled and waved.  Then she was gone to experience a new adventure.

I was left with conflicting emotions.  A part of me was happy that my daughter reached this milestone even as the mother in me mourned the little girl who only lives on now in memories and old photographs.

Yes, parenting is a moment of firsts.  I’ll continue to help prepare my kids.  And take lots of pictures.

Which parenting “firsts” have you recently gone through?

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Fake Mommy Wars: What We Moms REALLY Want

Here is a follow up to my post earlier today about the “mommy wars” from the website, My Brown Baby.  This is the quote that resonated with me:

 But are we women really this politically naïve that we’d toss our valuable vote into the ring of a man who neither understands nor gives two crap-filled diapers about what mothers want? What mothers need? Are we really so politically stupid that we’d let this man, his rich wife and their equally rich-and-out-of-touch cronies distract us from the real issues while we bicker and get all emo over who works harder—women who work solely in the home vs. women who hold down full-time jobs outside the home? When, exactly, do we mothers come together and demand politicians—whether Republican or Democrat, rich or poor, black or white—get down to the real issues that affect us mothers? When do we stop arguing over stupid s**** and start exercising our political might to affect real change?

via Millionaire Ann Romney and the Fake Mommy Wars: What We Moms REALLY Want.

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The “Mommy Wars” Don’t Exist

Do we really need this?

By now everyone has heard about Hillary Rosen and the statement she made to Anderson Cooper on his talk show.  As a reminder, here is what she said,

“What you have is Mitt Romney running around the country saying: ‘Well, you know, my wife tells me that what women really care about are economic issues. And when I listen to my wife, that’s what I’m hearing.  Guess what?  His wife has actually never worked a day in her life.”

And everyone lost their minds.  It didn’t seem to matter that Hillary was talking about Mitt Romney’s economic policies.  No, what people heard was an attack on stay-at-home moms.  Please, stop.

By making this non issue a major news worthy debate, Republican politicans are pulling the old divide and conquer routine.  I believe there is no such thing as the “mommy wars” and here’s why.  Some mothers work outside of the home.  Some work at home.  Whether that decision is make by choice or circumstance, all mothers want the same thing.  We want our families to be safe.  We want access to quality health care (including reproductive health care) and good schools.  We want safe neighborhoods.  And while women are not some monolithic interest group, all mothers make decisions every day that they feel benefit their children.  I don’t think our beef is with each other.

 

There is no such thing as the “mommy wars”.  But there is a war on women.  It seems as if some men in this country want to roll back the clock.  Why are they questioning a woman’s right to affordable health care including contraception, abortion and equal pay for the same job?  Why are issues that were decided years ago in some cases up for debate?  We, as women, need to stay focused on that.

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The Teenage Struggle – A Parenting Moment

“Teenagers are the most misunderstood people on earth.  Treated like children but expected to act like adults.”

I saw the above quote on Twitter and it made me think.  As a parent of two teenagers, I know that navigating the transition from child to adult can be tricky.  One minute they seem to have everything under control.  The next minute they see to revert back to being a toddler where the simplest task is a mystery for them to master.

I only focused on my job to help guide my girls through this time.  I didn’t concentrate on things from their perspective.  Princess told me that, “Being a teenage is a struggle.”  The seriousness on her face as she said this gave me pause.  She is right.

Teenagers today have a lot more challenges to overcome.  In my day, we had the usual things like school, dating, sex and drugs.  Today they have all of those things combined with the internet age.  Now a teenage mistake can follow you throughout life.  The internet is forever.

I reminisce on my own teenage years and I remember feeling confused and misunderstood all the time.  I especially felt that my parents were clueless.  I vowed that I would do things differently with my own kids.

They say that you become your parents but I disagree.  Okay, you may have the tendency to follow certain actions and beliefs of your parents.  But I think most people strive to be better than their parents.

I may not always get it right with Princess and Diva but everything is done out of love.  My goal is to raise two responsible adults that will treat people with respect.  I want them to be smart enough to surround themselves with positive people and contribute something good to society.  I want them to be comfortable in their own skin and accept people who are different from them.  I want them to choose a career that is satisfying and enables them to pay their own bills.  I want them to choose a life partner wisely.  I want them to be happy.

Bottom line:  Yes, being a teenager is a struggle.  Being a parent isn’t easy either.  But together, we can make it through.

What do you think?  Any teenage stories to share?  Advice?

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School Shooting – A Parenting Moment

 

Everyone has heard about the school shooting in Chardon, Ohio.  Seventeen year old T. J. Lane opened fire in the school cafeteria shooting five students.  Three of those teenagers have died.

I am not here to get into a debate about gun control or bullying.  My heart weeps for every family affected by this event.  Especially those parents that have to do the unthinkable and bury their child.

No, this post asks a question.  How can you protect your children in an increasing evil world?

As a parent, it is terrifying to admit one simple fact.  We don’t have any control over what happens.

A good parent teaches their child how to behave.  We illustrate values and establish rules.  We correct with love.  We demonstrate how to treat other people.  A good parent tries to raise a responsible and considerate person.

Then we release our child into the world (a friend’s house, the movies, or school) and we trust them to make good decisions.  We trust them not to text and drive.  We trust them not to drink or try drugs.  We trust that they won’t pick up a gun to solve a problem.  Perhaps the greatest faith of all, we trust that they won’t get shot sitting in the cafeteria.

Here’s the parenting moment:  This is what I told my girls, “If you know someone has a gun in school, tell.  If you see or hear someone with a gun, run.”

I’ll have to continue to trust they will come home from school each day.  And pray.  I’ll be praying for your children too.

Any parenting advice to share?  Feel free.