Category: Parenting

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How “Orange is the New Black” Can Teach a Teen

Photo credit: Netflix
Photo credit: Netflix

I just found out that Diva, my 16-year-old daughter (not her real name), watches “Orange is the New Black”.  I’m sure  you have heard of this superb Netflix drama.  The basic premise of the show is life in a woman’s prison.  The main character is taken from a middle/upper class environment and thrown in prison for a crime she committed several years ago.  The writing is excellent and the acting is great.  You get to know all of these women and their back stories make for interesting watching.  “Orange” gives you everything from drama to comedy to tragedy.  I binged watched the entire first season over three days.  I was hyped about watching the second season.

And then Diva dropped an OITNB reference and I froze.  My first thought was to cancel the Netflix subscription.  This show has language, violence and nudity.  And sex.  It is not suitable for children.  Is it appropriate for a teenager?  No. I was going to cancel Netflix.  (Right after I watched Season 2, of course.  Priorities, people.)

Then I decided to do something revolutionary.  I talked to my daughter to see what it was she was getting from the show.  She was getting an in your face manual of what happens when you make wrong decisions and follow the wrong people.  She was getting an illustration of every lesson I have been preaching/teaching.  OITNB was acting as a teaching tool for some serious decisions.

Netflix stays.  My season 2 viewing is saved.  And I have a better understanding of the way my daughter thinks about life.  Thanks to OITNB.   Or I could be a really bad parent.  Who knows.  Diva just wants me to catch up on the season so we can discuss.

 

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My Daughter Got Her Navel Pierced so Why Does My Stomach Hurt?

Not a navel piercing.
Not a navel piercing.

My daughter, Princess, got her navel pierced about a month ago.  It’s taken this long to analyze my feelings about it.  Was I surprised?  Yes and no.  She has been rambling about wanting to get one for some time.

Princess:  “Mon, I think I want to get my navel pierced.”

Me:  “Why?”

P:  “I like them.”

M:  (again) “Why?”

P:  “I just do.”

Some variation of this conservation continued at random intervals for months.  And then she turned 18.  That means she didn’t need my permission to have it done.  Then she came  home with one.

Clip-on belly jewelry
Clip-on belly jewelry (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My reaction was mixed.  I  believe in giving my girls the confidence to make decisions about their own bodies once they reach a certain age.  They have to make decisions for themselves.  It can be as simple as considering a new hair cut or the complex decision of whether or not to have sex.  I tell them the decision is theirs.  It is not left up to peer pressure or to win the affection of some boy.  I want them to be comfortable in their own skins and learn to trust themselves.

I didn’t make a big deal about the piercing.  I told Princess I didn’t like it but it was her body.  I advised her to make sure to keep it clean.

The world kept spinning.  But I can’t help but  notice that my baby is growing up and inching closed to adulthood.  She is becoming more and more independent.  I am at times proud and terrified.

 

The other day Princess started a random conversation.

Princess:  “Mom, would you be mad if I got a tattoo?”

Me:  (deep breath)

Somebody pass me the antacid.

 

 

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Bank Fees – Theft or Maintenance

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As soon as Princess got a job, I took her to open a checking and savings account. What a great way to teach money management, I thought.

Conversation yesterday:

Princess:  “Mom, I was checking my account and they took $5 out my savings.  Why did they take my money?”

Me:  “I’ll check on it.  Probably since you turned 18 they changed your type of account.”

Verifies what happened.  Yep, the bank did in fact change her savings from a free account to charging a maintenance fee.

Me:  (calls back to explain the way banking works.)

Princess:  “But they are taking $5 a month.  That’s 60 dollars a year.  I work hard for that money.”

Me:  “Yes, I know but that is their maintenance fee.”

Princess:  “Maintenance for what?  I didn’t ask them to do anything.”

Lesson learned.

Note:  You know she closed that account, right?  Princess is serious about her money.  

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Favorite Child – Do You Have One?

favorite things

Today my daughter’s,  Princess and Diva, had an argument over who was the favorite. 

Princess: “I’m the favorite. Mom knows she likes me the best. ”

Diva: “No she doesn’t.  I’m the favorite.”

Princess: “She’s known me longer.  I have to be the favorite.  It’s okay to admit it, Mom.”

Me: “I don’t have a favorite.  I love you both the same.”

They went back to eating cereal and all was well for the moment.  But I was left with a thought.  Do you have a favorite Child and is it okay to every admit it?

I think as a parent you love your children equally. You just like different things about them.

As for the favorite argument, I think I am the only winner. They only have one mom. I know that I am their favorite.

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Back to School – Let’s Get It Started

Back to it .........

 

It’s that time of year again.  Time to get those kids out of the house and back into the classroom.  Parents everywhere, rejoice.

This year is special for me because I have a Senior and a Freshman in high school this year.  Two  milestone moments.  A beginning and an end.

This should be fun!

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Waiting Up

I just realized that being a parent of a teenager and a newborn baby have a lot in common. Lack of sleep.

A baby requires constant feeding and attention. A teenager is more independent but worry their parent in other ways. Every time my daughter leaves the house in hercar I can’t rest until she comes back.

I need some sleep.

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Flashing Lights – When the Police Question Your Kid

Police Car Lights

The day started out like any other.  Most days are ordinary until suddenly they aren’t.  A phone call.  A  hysterical daughter on the line.  Cops.  A search.  And I am speeding down the road to get to my child that is being questioned by the police.

Short story:  Someone called the restaurant and claims they are coming to buy drugs from my daughter through the drive in window.  Manager calls the police.  Police questions my child and searches her vehicle.

I meet with the policeman and refrain from cursing him out for being overly aggressive and scaring my daughter.  I maintain my composure when I talk to the manager and get the details and chain of events from him.  But when I saw how upset my daughter was I almost lost it.  All I could do was hug her and ask her if she was okay.

Bottom line, someone’s idea of a practical joke could have had dire consequences for my daughter.  She could have lost her job and been arrested.

I assured my daughter that she didn’t do anything wrong but I advised her to never give consent to the police for a search.  Some may say, “Well,  if you are innocent you don’t have anything to hide.”  I say, “There was no cause for a search so the police over reached.”  He knew he was dealing with a scared teenager and went too far.  I am not naive enough to believe that the police are always right.

That was a parenting moment that caught me off guard.  What would you do if it was your child being questioned by the police?

*Photo courtesy of davidsonscott15 http://www.flickr.com/photos/webhostingreview/with/3090392251/#photo_3090392251

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Prom Night – A Mother’s Thoughts

prom night

My daughter, Princess (not her real name), went to the prom list night. These are the thoughts t hat ran through my mind as I waited up.

  • My daughter is growing into a beautiful young lady
  • I hope she has a good time
  • I hope she is safe
  • Did I set her curfew too early or too late?
  • How in the world am I going to stay awake that long?
  • Who am I kidding?  Sleep won’t happen until I hear the garage open.
  • Say a prayer that she makes it back home safe.  Add a prayer for everyone else’s kid as well.
  • Realize that late night television programming is the worst
  • I should have rented a movie from Redbox
  • What am I going to cook for dinner tomorrow?
  • Did I cover everything in the “Don’t Drink or Do Drugs” speech?
  • What if there is an accident?
  • I don’t need to think about any accidents.

I finally had to call my sister on the West Coast to take my mind off all the things that could happen.  I am an admitted “worrier” but my imagination takes me places I don’t need to go.

In the end, Princess made it back on safely and on time.  No need to worry.  Until next year.

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A Parent’s Worst Nightmare – Newtown, CT

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I’m all cried out.

When the news broke on Friday, December 14th about the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School, I watched in horror along with the rest of the country.  Another school shooting.  But this one was different.  This time someone targeted babies.  Little kids aged five through seven.  This murderer killed 20 children and six adults.

I am a mother and I felt this event on a very personal level.  I send my children to school every day fully expecting them to return home.  Just like those parents in Newtown.  Now that illusion is shattered.

All that you are left with is the why?  Why did this happen?  Can we stop the killings from happening?  And we look for someone or something to blame.  The media and politicians will talk about gun control, help for the mentally ill and the need for more security in our schools.  There are hard questions that should be asked.  There are solutions that this country needs to enact.  But will it really keep us safe?  Will it really protect our children from evil?

Past events have shown us that an individual intent on doing harm will find a way around our laws and our protections.  Evil is persistent like that.

Yet, we find a way to wake up in the morning and feel positive about the future.  We find a way to cherish the moments we have with those we love.  We find a way to comfort our children and promise to protect them from harm.  We pretend that we are in control.  We rebuild that illusion for our own sanity’s sake.

What happened in Newtown, Connecticut was every parent’s worst nightmare.  I pray that they find peace in the support on a nation.

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Single Parenting Ain’t for Suckers

 

 

I have a new-found respect for all the single parents out there.  I was already amazed at the job they do.  I was raised in a single parent home (my parents divorced when I was 13) so I am aware of what a thankless job it is to raise kids.  What brought about this new enlightenment?   I am now essentially a single parent myself.

Hubby has a job out-of-state.  For the last four months, I’ve been adjusting to not only a long distance relationship but being a solo parent.  Yes, hubby is in constant contact but it’s not the same as being here.  It’s not an ideal situation but one that many families face every day.

And you want to know the truth about single parenting.  It makes you tired.  Like all the time.  You have to do everything.  Everything?  Everything!  It ranges from the routine morning, school, work, homework, dinner act to the more mundane answering of every question.  No more passing off to the other parent.  (Go ask your Dad has lost its effectiveness.)

Here is my plan.   I’m going to take some vitamins, get some rest, and get back to parenting these kids.  To all my fellow single parents out there I say, “Hang in there.”