Category: Family

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Family Ties

My beautiful grandmother

This past weekend the whole family hopped a plane and landed in Houston to celebrate my grandmother’s 80th birthday.  We spent four days catching up with family, eating homemade gumbo and watching the Whitney Houston funeral.  Everyone left with the intention of staying in touch but it made me wonder.  Is it possible to stay in touch with people you don’t see often and don’t know that well?

Now Grandma and I are close.  I’ve seen her more often over the course of growing up.  We used to write each other letters (remember when that was the preferred method of communication) and we talk on the phone.  We are as close as two people who live 1,000 miles apart can be.   My grandmother is the coolest 80-year-old I know.  She is a wealth of old school wisdom with enough spunk to still drive her new Chrysler 200 and  have wireless internet in her house.  I just love to sit wherever she is and listen.  The woman could have been a comedienne in a former life.

I also have an uncle, two aunts, a large number of cousins, their spouses and all of their children.  Being around all of my relatives left me with a feeling of camaraderie but no real connection.  We are all bound by blood as evidenced by the pictures that grace my grandmother’s home.  I could even remember summers spend in Texas as a kid.  But once we all grew up, life had a way of making us virtual strangers.

As we all know, relationships take time and effort to maintain.  My question is who has time?  Who has the time and energy to establish and maintain a real relationship (beyond Facebook) with relatives that you rarely see?  Is it worth it?

Any advice?  How do you keep in touch with long-lost relatives?

 

 

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When the Spouse is Away…

Pretend this is me. Don't I look happy to have the whole bed!

The husband announced he was going on his monthly golf trip with the guys.  I was so excited that I could have literally jumped for joy.  I had to play it cool.  “That’s good,” I replied.  “You deserve a getaway.”  I was being sincere.  He works hard and should have free time to do something he enjoys.  But I was also considering my own moment.  I would have the bed to myself!

If you have lived with someone long enough you learn cohabitation requires compromise.  Somethings you may like to do but if it infringes on your significant other, you reach a happy medium.  An example:  I would love to sleep in the middle of the bed and watch DVDs or read until I get sleepy.  The husband insists on sharing the sleep space so I stay on my side of the bed and leave the DVDs and books to daylight hours.  With his overnight trip pending, I had a list of things I could enjoy having the room all to myself.

And enjoy it I did.  I took my shower early and lounged around in pajamas.  I fed the kids and left them with the big television in the great room and retreated to my space.  I had two DVDs where nothing blows up and there aren’t any car chases, a book on standby and popped popcorn.  I climbed in the center of the bed surrounded by pillows and remotes.  Heaven.

Yes, I appreciated my alone time.  Love had nothing to do with it.  I believe all couples should have little breaks away from each other.  Not only is it good to just be yourself for a moment but it makes you appreciate your relationship.  I was happy to see my husband when he returned.  He is my best friend and I enjoy his company.  Until the next time he is away.

What say you?  What things do you like to do when the spouse/significant other is away?

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It’s Your Homework, Why Do I Feel Like I Am in School?

When is summer vacation?

School is in full swing and this means kids are coming home with work.  Hence, the name “homework”.  This is not good.  I am a firm believer that just like Vegas, school should stay at school.

I’ve read the studies that suggest too much homework makes kids hate learning.  Other studies conclude homework does not measurably improve academic achievement.  (That one came from Duke University, Harris Cooper.)  These are all valid reasons to support my position.  However, my reason is quite simple.  I hate feeling stupid.

First some background.  I graduated from high school some twenty years time ago.  I’ve even graduated from college.  I’m not trying to impress anyone by writing this.  I’m trying to reassure myself that I’m not an idiot.

Some of these homework assignments can make an adult question t heir own intelligence.  Picture this:  Diva is in middle school.  Her Language Arts class gives weekly STEMS test.  In case you are wondering, STEMS can best be described as parts of words. For example, archy = government, cede = go and ard = always.  Whatever happened to good old-fashioned vocabulary words.  We used to get a list of words and a dictionary.  We wrote the list by ourselves.  Now Diva has this weekly assignment and insists I take part in it.  I’m her “study buddy” she says.  Did I ask for this honor?  No.  But what can I do?

I think kids should focus on spelling.  Remember the spelling bee?  Now that’s something that should be brought back to the classroom.  This “text first, talk never” generation could use a refresher.  They abbreviate everything.  I had to instruct my kids to write complete words when they text me.

I’m not even going to get started on the subject of math.  I’ve been unable to help with that since elementary school.  Good thing Princess is good in math or Diva would be in trouble.

To my kid’s school district, I’m begging.   Stop with the homework.  Think of the countless of parents who risk looking stupid in front of their kids.  Let’s leave school work at school.  Save the family.

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Facebook Friends with your Teenage Kids

Facebook currently has approximately 800 million users.  Two of those users are my kids.

When this whole social media thing started, I was like most parents.  Clueless.  That changed when I found out through another parent that Princess had a Facebook page.   (For the record, you never want to hear something about your kid from another parent.)  That lead to the “Social Media Rules”.  Princess had to agree to comply or have her rights revoked.  When Diva became of age, the same rules applied.  Here they are:

  1. Never give out personal information (ie. address and phone number)
  2. Do not engage in FB fights or Twitter wars.  Bully is not allowed.
  3. I must be their friend.

I felt I was really on to something by insisting on being “friends” with my kids.  This would allow me to police their posts and see the type of people they were friending.  I make it a point to not announce my presence on their pages.  I want them to be free to express themselves but know in the back of their minds that Mom is watching.

Things have been working well so far.  I’m not naive enough to believe that I can monitor everything my children do online.  There are ways around the public post with instant messaging and direct messaging.  And I can’t help but wonder……What happens when (not if) I am the subject of a post or twit?

For example, what if in a fit of teenage anger about the unfairness of having to listen to her parents, one of my kids post, “My mom gets on my nerves.  I can’t wait to get out of here in two years.”

How should I respond?  Should I pretend I didn’t see the offensive post/twit?  Should we have a conversation off-line about respecting family boundaries and not airing petty disputes to the public?  Should I take away the cell phone/iPod and demand an apology and a retraction?

What are the rules here?  The Facebook policy didn’t think about the parent/child dynamic, did they?

I would probably have a conversation off-line.  I understand that teenage angst is a legitimate feeling.  I’ll allow that.  Just don’t put me on blast.

What do you think?  Any suggestions about how to handle Facebook/Twitter or other social media with teenagers?

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Shopping with Teenagers

The day after Christmas the girls and I set out for the outlets.  They had Christmas cash in their pockets and they were ready to restock on clothes and shoes for school.  As we walked around, I noticed that they would only go into certain stores.  Those stores were Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister, Polo, Wet Seal and Aeropostale.  They shunned more economical places like Old Navy.  I thought I would use this as a teaching moment about getting the most value for your money.  Here is how the conversation went:

Princess:  “Mom,  you don’t understand. I can’t just wear anything.  People will talk about me.”

Me:  “What people?”

Princess:  “I have an image. It’s like when you tried to get me One Star Converse.  I can’t wear that.”  (Side note:  I know my daughter likes Converse sneakers.  We were in Target and they sell Converse.  I didn’t realize that One Stars are Converse’s country cousin.  The one you can’t take anywhere.  The horror.) 

Diva:  “Yeah, she can’t walk around in Skechers like you.  She can’t wear Shape Ups.”

(Side note #2:  I like Skechers.  My girls like to talk about my sneakers but I go for comfort every day.  When they were young and had no opinions whatsoever they wore them too.  And liked them.)

Me:  (still trying to maintain a teaching moment)  “Why do you care if people say something?  It doesn’t matter if you wear a name brand or not.  You’re still the same person.”

Princess:  “See, you can wear anything.”

Me:  (teaching moment forgotten at the perceived insult) “Are you saying I don’t know how to dress?”

Princess recovered quickly:  “No, mom.  You have some swag.”

“Swag” means stylish in teenage language.  I have to add this term to my teenage dictionary.  See my earlier post on bilingual kids.

Diva gave a quick second.  I knew I was being played but I liked the thought that I could rock Skechers and still have swag so I let the speech go for the moment.  “Okay ladies, let’s get some lunch.”

We enjoyed the rest of our trip.  The girls got some cute outfits for school.  I actually picked out a couple of things for them that they liked.  And I made it through the day without being called “lame” which was a first.  It was a Christmas vacation miracle.

Any experiences shopping with teenagers?  Please share.

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‘Tis the Season to be Grumpy

 

I’m not feeling Christmas this year.  And I’m not the only one with this sentiment.  A scientific poll conducted with three friends, my sisters and six random co-workers reveal that “Christmas just isn’t the same this year.”

What caused this anti-Christmas phenomenal?  Could it be Christmas overload from the way retailers shove holiday cheer on us before we can swallow the candy from Halloween?  Maybe it’s because Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer came on television before Thanksgiving?  Or maybe it’s because I missed the annual shopping kill or be killed event otherwise known as “The Day After Thanksgiving?

As I have gotten older my kids have gotten older, Christmas has lost some of its magic.  I relished the role of “playing” Santa and secretly wrapping presents.  Now Princess and Diva only want one gift.  Money and a ride to the mall.

Maybe I’ve gotten lazy.  Why spend a month stressing and decorating for one day and then it’s over?  Why struggle to maintain a false sense of holiday cheer and being nice to people you can’t stand for 364 other days of the year?

I’m sure I’ll snap out of this funk in a day or two.  After all, I am looking forward to some days off from work and spending time with family.  I can focus on the true meaning of Christmas and not worry about my meager Christmas budget.  I can be thankful that my family is healthy and that I am loved.  See, I can almost feel the warmth of Christmas cheer.

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone.  I look forward to more adventures in the New Year.

This picture is just too cute!
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Dream Deferred….Dream Realized

I attended my sister, Baby’s graduation on Friday. She is now a licensed cosmetologist.  The ceremony was held at the school and was relevantly simple.  Each graduate had to write a paper about their time in the program and the things they learned.  I was nervous when Baby’s turn came because she hates to speak in public.  She walked to the front and needed a tissue before she said one word.  This made my water works flow.  (Sidenote:  The tears are nothing new for me.  I am a known crier.  I’ll tear up at a sad commercial.)  But my sister did her thing and I was inspired by  her speech.

Here is a summary of what she said:

  • She talked about how she always liked doing hair.  In fact, after high school we (my family) all expected her to go to cosmetology school.  Instead, she wanted to get away from home so she enrolled in college.
  • She got pregnant after a year away so she came home and got a job.  Twenty months later she had another child.
  • She didn’t want to depend on the government for assistance so she would work any job she could get.  Then she got a good job with benefits and made decent money.  She got comfortable and forgot about her dream.
  • Then her entire division was laid off.
  • Unemployed and depressed, she talked to LA about her life.  Expecting sympathy, she got a kick in the behind.  “DO something about it”, LA said.
  • So, she did.

I listened to my sister talk about the financial hardships and other obstacles that she had to overcome.  She talked of being grateful for the support of family and friends.  And there she stood, a year later finally realizing her dream.  She already has two job offers from different salons.  I know she will do well.

The lesson I learned that day was that although your dream may be deferred, you can still achieve it.  My baby sister did it.

Congratulations, Victoria.  I am so very proud of you.

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Sister Love

The Marketing Executive, Writer,and Stylist

This past weekend I got to hang out with my sisters.  LA (so called because she lives in Los Angeles) was in town to celebrate her birthday with family.  Baby (so called because she is the baby sister; see what I did there?) and I were happy to be a threesome again.

I am the oldest of three girls.  I can say that with pride now although that wasn’t always the case.  Being the first born has a lot of pressure.  I constantly heard how I had to be an “example” for my sisters.  How I had to walk a righteous path so that my siblings would clearly see the right way to go.  And I tried.  God bless my little teenage heart but I did try.  I soon realized that my sisters and I are very different.  They each have chosen their own paths and I celebrate and support their unique life journeys.  Besides, my kids, these are the two people that I have known their entire lives.

As we have all gotten older, I have realized that there is nothing that can compare to a sister’s love.  It is a feeling of knowing that at a moment’s  notice they will be there for you.   I know that I can call on my sisters for anything and without question they will provide whatever I need.  They are my best friends.

I tell my two daughters, Princess and Diva, to  take care of each other.  I tell them, “Friends and boys will come and go, but your sister will always be there.”  I pray that they will always have each other.  All they have to do is look to me as an example.  My sisters and I are now 42, 38, and 32 years old with kids of our own.  Sometimes I still see us as those three little girls in the above picture.  Sisters that became women and friends.

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When Your Kids Are Bilingual…………..

I am the parent of two teenagers.  As part of this mission, I have accepted the responsibility to keep up with the times.  I am well versed in Lil’ Wayne, Drake and Trey Songz.  I know about Jordans and snapbacks (baseball caps in my day).  I understand the capabilities of Facebook, Twitter and iPods.  I can text with the best of them.  What I don’t understand are the words that are coming out of my kids’ mouth.

This past weekend I hung out my daughters.  Princess and Diva (not their real names) are always good company.  They joined me as I ran errands and window shopped.  It was during this excursion that I learned that my girls are bilingual.  The signs were there.  They both take Spanish in school.  But this language was something different.  Example:

Diva:  “Mom, I want a camo jacket for Christmas.”

Me:  “What’s a camo jacket?”

Diva:  “A jacket.  All my friends have them.”

Me:  “Huh?  What is a camo?”

Diva:  “Mom, you are so lame.  I’ll show you.”

We go to the Sports Authority store and there we find the camo jacket more commonly referred to as camouflage.  You know, something a hunter or the military would wear.  When they go hunting.

Why would a teenage girls want to wear this?

After a quick exit from the store, our conversation continued.

Me:  “I’m not buying that?”

Diva:  “Why?”

Me:  “It’s ugly and I’m not spending my money on it.”

Diva:  “You don’t have to like everything I like.”

Me:  “That’s true. But I have to like it if I’m buying it.”

Princess (who has been laughing and making comments the entire time): “Hunnerd?”

Me:  “What are you saying?  Hundred?”

Princess:  “No.  You say hunnerd.”

Me: “What does that mean?”

Princess:  “You know, it means ‘true’ or ‘that’s right’.”

Me: “Then why don’t you just say true.”

Diva:  “Mom, you are so lame.”

All of our conversations end with me being labeled “lame”.  And I can live with that.  At least I know what it means.

What do you think?  Do you think speak another language?  Any colorful phrases you want to share?  I can’t be alone in this.

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When Your Parents are Dating………Other People

My parents divorced when I was 13.  After a couple of years I gave up all illusions of them ever getting back together again.  This post isn’t about some wish that they would reunite as a couple after all these years.  No, this post is about dealing with your parents as they date other people.

In the thirty years that my parents have been divorced, they have each married other people.  One marriage ended in divorce and the other ended when a spouse died.  So, they are both single and (God, I hate how this sounds) dating again.  My dilemma is:   what is the proper etiquette to follow if you don’t like someone your parent dates?  Everyone is an adult in this situation but that is still my parent.  I feel the need to look out for them and protect them from harm.  Should I voice my opinion even if it is based on a feeling and not hard evidence?  Should I stay silent and supportive and hope they figure the person out for themselves?

I’m struggling here.  Any advice would be appreciated.