Love is complicated.
I open my eyes to another new day
And remember all over again
That you are not here
My heart longs for you.
******
I go through the motions
Of living a life
Kids, work and bills
My mind stays on you.
******
I lay awake at night
Remembering your smile, your scent
Your presence
My hands want to hold you.
******
I am every woman
Strong enough on my own
But with you I feel invincible
My soul needs you.
(c) 2012 Michelle Rayford
A typical conversation in my household:
Princess: “Mom, you worry too much.”
Before I can respond, Diva pipes in. “That’s what moms do.”
********************************************
I’ll admit it. I am a mom. And I worry. A lot. But I have to ask, can you worry too much?
A teenage girl is missing in my community. The police suspect that she was abducted from her home. From her home. There is always a report somewhere about missing teenagers or accidents that claim a young life. You don’t have to look hard to find something that will paralyze you in fear. But that isn’t any way to live.
I dropped my girls off at mall on Saturday afternoon. The plan was for them to hang out with friends and catch a movie. I put on a brave face but behind that mask was a scared woman. I know I have to let them go. They have to experience things and learn to navigate the world. I just want to hold them close and keep them in the house with me all the time.
I reflect on my own childhood and remember feeling that my mother suffocated me. I wasn’t really allowed to go anywhere or do seemingly normal things like go to a Friday night football game. I remember thinking I had the meanest mother in the world. Now, I am not saying her methods were right but I do understand the emotion behind it. It was done out of love. When you are a parent, everything is motivated by love. I know now that I may not always get it right. But I love my children. I won’t ever apologize for that.
I still worry. I probably always will. But I will also beat down fear and allow my girls to grow. And pray that they will always be safe.
School starts here in another week. That means its back to school shopping for our family. I don’t look forward to this at all. Here are the top five reasons I hate shopping with my kids:
1. Being female, people may assume that I would enjoy shopping no matter the occasion. Those people would be wrong. I am more of the get in, get out type of person. I don’t like to linger over the racks. I don’t like the crowds. To me, shopping is one of those mundane tasks you have to perform in order to be considered a civilized member of society. Like bathing daily. Or going to the DMV.
2. My girls, however, love to shop. All you have to do to make Diva’s life complete is give her an unlimited budget and a ride to the mall.
3. When did we decide that all clothes designer would only produce small, tight, and revealing articles of clothing? Why must every pair of jeans get progressively tighter under the guise of being skinny, super skinny or something called jeggings? It makes for some stressful conversations.
4. Speaking of clothing sizes, who are they making these clothes to fit? Barbie? I am really getting tired of having to explain to my medium-sized daughter that she needs a large because of the snug cut. A medium is really a small in today’s fashion world.
5. Auntie Ann’s Pretzels. I can’t walk past this spot in the mall without being compelled to buy a pretzel. Those things are evil. But oh, so tasty.
Do you have a back to school shopping story to share?
Princess got her driver’s license. Exciting times, right? My girl is growing up and completing another milestone on the way to adulthood. I am a proud parent. I am also terrified.
Maybe terrified is too strong a word. I feel some discomfort. Yes, that’s it. I feel uneasy. Yesterday, I let her drive to the store by herself. My stomach was churning but I turned over the keys anyway. She has to learn to be comfortable driving solo. The only way to do that is to just do it. She’s gone to driving school and I’ve ridden with her several times. She is a good driver although an inexperienced one. I trust her to be careful. But I am a parent and I still worry.
Here is something I’ve realized. It gets harder to keep your kids safe as they get older. When they are babies straight through the elementary years, you know exactly where they are. The majority of the time they are with you. You decided where they go, what they do and who they do it with.
Teenagers don’t need, or frankly even want to, do everything with their parents. It’s a constant tug of war. They desire more freedom and good parents gradually let them fly solo and make their own decisions. But with that comes a lost of parental control. You have to trust that the values you’ve instilled will actually stick. You have to trust that your child will make more good choices than bad. You pray that a higher power protects them from harm.
Then you let go. And sit in the passenger seat while your kid drives.
Every day mothers perform sometimes thankless tasks to care for their children. We are the backbone of the family, nurse, chauffeur, maid, counselor, event coordinator and cook. A mother’s job is never done. And for the majority of us, these things are performed without thought or expectation of award. But today is our day and what’s a good way to celebrate? I say Mothers everywhere should have a day WITHOUT their kids. Ladies, just do you today! Enjoy.
When you become a parent, you find yourself celebrating a lot of firsts. First tooth, first word, first steps and the first day of school. We try to prepare our children for the firsts in life. Maybe we should focus on preparing ourselves as well.
Two major firsts took place in our family this weekend. Princess had her first date which coincided with her first prom. Good times!
Lost in the excitement of finding the perfect shoes and getting a mother-daughter mani and pedi was the fact that this was a first for me too. My baby is careening toward adulthood at an alarming pace.
After all the pictures had been taken on Saturday, I stood there and watched my daughter. The little chubby cheeked toddler has grown into a beautiful young lady. I hugged her and told her to have fun. I released Princess to her date. She smiled and waved. Then she was gone to experience a new adventure.
I was left with conflicting emotions. A part of me was happy that my daughter reached this milestone even as the mother in me mourned the little girl who only lives on now in memories and old photographs.
Yes, parenting is a moment of firsts. I’ll continue to help prepare my kids. And take lots of pictures.
Which parenting “firsts” have you recently gone through?
“Teenagers are the most misunderstood people on earth. Treated like children but expected to act like adults.”
I saw the above quote on Twitter and it made me think. As a parent of two teenagers, I know that navigating the transition from child to adult can be tricky. One minute they seem to have everything under control. The next minute they see to revert back to being a toddler where the simplest task is a mystery for them to master.
I only focused on my job to help guide my girls through this time. I didn’t concentrate on things from their perspective. Princess told me that, “Being a teenage is a struggle.” The seriousness on her face as she said this gave me pause. She is right.
Teenagers today have a lot more challenges to overcome. In my day, we had the usual things like school, dating, sex and drugs. Today they have all of those things combined with the internet age. Now a teenage mistake can follow you throughout life. The internet is forever.
I reminisce on my own teenage years and I remember feeling confused and misunderstood all the time. I especially felt that my parents were clueless. I vowed that I would do things differently with my own kids.
They say that you become your parents but I disagree. Okay, you may have the tendency to follow certain actions and beliefs of your parents. But I think most people strive to be better than their parents.
I may not always get it right with Princess and Diva but everything is done out of love. My goal is to raise two responsible adults that will treat people with respect. I want them to be smart enough to surround themselves with positive people and contribute something good to society. I want them to be comfortable in their own skin and accept people who are different from them. I want them to choose a career that is satisfying and enables them to pay their own bills. I want them to choose a life partner wisely. I want them to be happy.
Bottom line: Yes, being a teenager is a struggle. Being a parent isn’t easy either. But together, we can make it through.
What do you think? Any teenage stories to share? Advice?
Today is my 18th wedding anniversary! We have been through our share of challenges just like the next couple but I feel we have grown stronger as a result. I can say today that I love my Hubby more than I did on our wedding day. Each year it gets better.
When you live, learn and grow with one person, it takes commitment to make it work. One key area that helps is communication. I think this is the most important area but it’s also the one area that is easy to mess up. How many times has a gesture or action been misinterpreted by your significant other? Maybe its time you learn your partners love language.
I highly recommend Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The 5 Love Languages”. The main idea of the book is that people love and show love based on their unique “love language”. That language may or may not align with your partner’s. Using common sense techniques and examples of the five love languages (Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts and Quality Time), this book is a guide to better communication. We took the assessment quiz and learned we have different love languages. This knowledge helps make a positive difference in the way you “see” your partner and what they need to feel loved.
I’m off to enjoy the day with my Hubby. By the way, his language is “Quality Time” and I am “Physical Touch”. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it?
What is your love language?
Everyone has heard about the school shooting in Chardon, Ohio. Seventeen year old T. J. Lane opened fire in the school cafeteria shooting five students. Three of those teenagers have died.
I am not here to get into a debate about gun control or bullying. My heart weeps for every family affected by this event. Especially those parents that have to do the unthinkable and bury their child.
No, this post asks a question. How can you protect your children in an increasing evil world?
As a parent, it is terrifying to admit one simple fact. We don’t have any control over what happens.
A good parent teaches their child how to behave. We illustrate values and establish rules. We correct with love. We demonstrate how to treat other people. A good parent tries to raise a responsible and considerate person.
Then we release our child into the world (a friend’s house, the movies, or school) and we trust them to make good decisions. We trust them not to text and drive. We trust them not to drink or try drugs. We trust that they won’t pick up a gun to solve a problem. Perhaps the greatest faith of all, we trust that they won’t get shot sitting in the cafeteria.
Here’s the parenting moment: This is what I told my girls, “If you know someone has a gun in school, tell. If you see or hear someone with a gun, run.”
I’ll have to continue to trust they will come home from school each day. And pray. I’ll be praying for your children too.
Any parenting advice to share? Feel free.