Author: Michelle's Site

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Editor Blues

What’s Playing on the iPod right now: “Lay Your Head on my Pillow” – Tony!Toni!Tone!
What I am reading now: “Fallen” – Karin Slaughter

I am in a writing slump.  Back in May I blogged about how I was revising my novel to change the point of view from first person to third person.  I felt the change would enhance the story and connect better with the reader.  And I was working diligently to make those changes happen.  What happened to make me lose focus you ask?  My editor disappeared.

I thought I had found the perfect editor for me.  It’s not often you feel a connection with someone as an artist but Camille and I hit it off from the start.  She “got” me and I was ecstatic to find a person to discuss my work.   She was there for me right up until the time she wasn’t.  Silence was followed by a brief claim of illness.  Several more weeks go by and my calls and emails went unanswered.

It wasn’t hard for me to get to the conclusion that maybe I had been duped.  It couldn’t have been a coincidence that Camille was suddenly unavailable after payment changed hands.  I terminated our agreement and a refund was initiated from her but it failed to make it through Paypal.

My first reaction was anger.  I went all the way to “I will not be ignored, Dan.” (Shout out to “Fatal Attraction”)  I became obsessed with tracking Camille down.  When I found myself knee-deep in cyber stalking, I realized that I had to dial it back.  My focus on Camille and over analyzing each conservation and email was not only unhealthy but it kept me from my work.  Who was I really hurting with my need for answers?  She stole my money.  I couldn’t let her steal my focus as well.

I am letting go.  Yes, Camille may have gotten over on me but I trust that God will deal with her in His own time.  My job is to take the lesson.  There are no friends in this business.  I will deal with people on a professional basis.  Remain friendly but keep my guard up and my money in my pocket.  Warn other writers not to do business with Camille Gray aka Pansy Wright of WritingRoom Writing Services.

What’s the biggest lesson that I learned throughout this ordeal?  Never let anyone detour you from your dream.  I’ve got to keep writing.  For me, it is as natural as breathing and just as essential for survival.

Peace,

Michelle

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>Shades of Grey

>What’s Playing on the iPod right now: “In the Closet” – Micheal Jackson
What I am reading now: “Silver Sparrow” – Tayari Jones

So, I finally got around to watching the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy.  Overall good understated season ending.  (You can’t very well top a man shooting up the hospital.)  I’m not going to go in depth about the various story lines but one thing that stuck out to me is the issue of grey.  As in, there is right, wrong and the murky grey area in between.  I thought about my own morale code and I find that I live in the land of grey.   I totally got Meredith’s logic in tampering with the clinical trial to get the Chief’s wife the drug.  I failed to see the wisdom in her husband,  Derek,deciding that she doesn’t know right from wrong and leaving her.  Wait……..What?  Where they do that at? 

I get it.  Yes, it is wrong to kill.  Very black and white.  Killing is wrong so you don’t do it.  But if your life if threatened or the lives of your loved ones, killing is self defense and therefore, okay.  Very grey.

I would surmise that most things in life are grey.  Those people that choose to live in the black and white (right or wrong) hold themselves and others to an impossible standard. 

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>It’s Over for Now

>What’s Playing on the iPod right now:  “4Evermore”- Anthony David feat. Algebra (LOVE this song!)
What I am reading now:  “When the Thrill is Gone” – Walter Mosley

We knew it would end one day.  We just didn’t know it would end like this…………..

Swept by the Dallas Mavricks??!!!   It ain’t pretty getting old (Spurs gone, Celtics on the brink).  There will be a new NBA champion this year.  But the Lake Show will be back.

Peace.

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>TRUST

>What’s Playing on the iPod right now: “My All” – Mariah Carey
What I am reading now:  “White Mocha” – Michele Grant

According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of “trust” is the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something.  Sounds simple enough.  You just believe that someone or something is exactly what they present themselves to be.  If only people were that reliable.

I’ll be the first to admit that I have trust issues.  A horrible middle school year made me leery of people’s motivations.  But once you get past that barrier, I go all in.  Loyal almost to a fault.  So, the betrayal when it comes (and it almost always comes) the hurt is that much deeper.  It doesn’t have to be a major deception either.  It can be something as simple as not keeping your word.  After that, I am looking at you side-eyed and questioning the reasons behind everything.

Mainly I question myself.  What signs did I overlook?  What comment did I ignore that spoke the truth of your intentions.  I hate that feeling.  So, I withdraw and look my feelings away where they can’t be hurt.

It is misery when you discover that you can’t even trust yourself.

Peace out.

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>Welcome to the New

>What’s Playing on the iPod right now: “I Don’t Believe You” – P!nk
What I am reading now: “Blind Trust” – Leslie Esdaile Banks

Welcome to 2011 and the new plan.  I finally finished the novel I have been working on for a couple of years now.  Yes!!  Now all that is left is to edit the manuscript.  The new plan, research ebook publishing.  From everthing I’ve read, this may be the quickest way to get my work out there without waiting on a publishing company to deem it worthy.  I feel it is a good book and I want to see how it stands up against the competition.

I am currently working on a short story to submit for Zane’s anthology.  Due date is March 1st. 

Last note, I plan to update the blog more regularly.  No one’s reading now but I hold out hope that one day they will.

RIP Teena Marie

Peace.

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>Random

>What’s Playing on the iPod right now:  “Rebirth of Slick” – Digable Planets
What I am reading now:  “Substitute Me” – Lori L. Tharps

This is one of those songs I like but feel like I shouldn’t.  Enjoy.

Peace!

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>Savannah Reunion

>What’s Playing on the iPod right now: “Remember the Time” – Michael Jackson
What I am reading now: “Getting to Happy” – Terry McMillan

This Labor Day weekend I met up with Elaine Johnson Farrar.  All through middle and high school, Elaine and I were what the kids today call BFFs.  (Best Friends Forever).  This means we talked on the phone everyday, navigated the terrain of high school life and hung out at each other’s house.  We knew each other’s secrets and all of our dreams.  But as is sometimes prone to happen, life gets in the way.  We haven’t really talked or seen each other since the summer after high school.  But through the magic of Facebook, we found each other again.   So, this weekend, we decided to met in Savannah, GA.

Driving down I realized that it’s been over twenty years since I’ve seen my friend.  I can’t help but wonder, how much has she changed?  The last time we hung out we were kids with big dreams.  Now we are adults knocking down 40 years old.  People change over time, right?

I arrive at the bed and breakfast that Elaine found for our visit.  The Park Avenue Manor is simply lovely.  Elaine hasn’t arrived yet so I get a tour of the home by the gracious host and I am immediately made to feel at home with the offer of brownies and sherry and freedom to use the parlors and courtyard at any time.  I have chosen the Savannah Room and I am transported back in time when all homes had hardwood floors and big picture windows.  I relax in my room until I hear a car door outside and go to the window to get a glimpse of my friend. 

She looks exactly as I remembered.  Her heart-shaped face and petite frame are the same.  The hair, a twist of natural curls, is new but accents her grown woman style.

As I wait for her to settle in, I wonder will we have that same chemistry?  Conversations over the phone were easy.  Face to face will be the true test.  Would we be able to connect the way we once did as kids?

I open the door and we hug like long lost sisters.  All reservations vanish as we slip back into the rhythm of long time friends.   We have established no set time table so the weekend is open to possibilities.  We stroll and explore the historic streets of Savannah and get updated.  We talk about family and jobs and adventures that have taken place in the space of our lives.  Relearn each others likes and dislikes.  Lay the foundation for trust to grow anew.  And by the end of a weekend that went by too fast, I am glad that I came.   I am glad I found my friend.

We make plans to make this an annual event.  My BFF is back and we have the next twenty plus years to create new memories.

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>When Relatives Aren’t Relavant

>What’s Playing on the iPod right now: “The One” – Mary J Blige
What I am reading now: “An Inconvenient Friend“ – Rhonda McKnight

My aunt passed this weekend.  Dad’s sister.  And though I feel sympathy for my cousins that will miss their mother and my father that can no longer call his sister, the lost is not a personal one for me.  Should I feel bad that I don’t feel bad?

When we were young, my sister and I spent a lot of time at our aunt’s house.  She kept us while our parents worked.  Dad was stationed out of town and mom worked the 3-11 shift.  I have memories of playing with my second cousins, walking to the neighborhood convenience store and praying that it didn’t storm.  My aunt was old school.  Whenever a thunderstorm came through, appliances were unplugged, lights were turned off and everyone had to lay down.  Even if it was 2 o’clock in the afternoon and you weren’t close to being sleepy.  I remember the home cooked meals and not being allowed to sit on the plastic covered living room furniture. 

But once I reached the age of 12-13, we were allowed to stay at home.  Visits to my aunt’s house became less and less.  As an adult, the relationship was reduced to speaking at the random family function.  Two polite strangers related by blood.  Neither one of us taking the time to build a relationship.  So, although I mourn the lost of her life, it’s hard to miss the relationship that we didn’t have.

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>Book Review – Wench

>What’s Playing on the iPod right now: “Fury” – Prince
What I am reading now: Just finished “Fly Away Home”

Okay, I finished “Wench” by Dolen Perkins-Valdez a few weeks ago.  Here is my review:

Wench is a novel set in pre Civil War Ohio which tells the story of four slave women (Lizzie, Reenie, Sweet and Mawu) who travel with their masters to the Tawawa House.   It is an open secret that the women come from different planations to “vacation” with their masters in the cottages behind the House.  The women seem to have accepted their fate, some even profess to love their masters, until a new woman Mawu, brings up the possibility of freedom.  The Tawawa House is situated in free terrritory.  But are the women emotionally and psychologically strong enough to leave everything (family and friends) behind for a chance at freedom?

Wench is a beautifully and realistically told story about an overlooked aspect of slavery,  the black mistresses that are forced into another level of bondage to their white masters.

I give this book 5 bookmarks out of 5.  Read this book.

Next up, I’ll compare this book to “The Help”.